Domestic violence: South-South stakeholders want return to nuclear family system
Violence
Port Harcourt, May 29, 2018 (NAN) Stakeholders in the Niger Delta region on Tuesday recommended return to nuclear family system to stem the spate of domestic violence in the country.
The respondents also said that the increasing rate of domestic violence could be curbed by proactive governance and greater understanding by spouses.
They fielded questions from the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Uyo, Yenagoa and Benin in response to a survey on the new face of domestic violence recorded in parts of Nigeria.
Dr Sunday Udoh, Associate Professor, Family Medicine, University of Uyo Teaching Hospital, said a return to nuclear family system will curb domestic violence in the country.
“In a nuclear family, a couple and their dependent children are regarded as a basic social unit.
“It is in contrast to a single-parent family, to the larger extended family, and to a family with more than two parents,’’ the don said.
Udoh said that the nuclear family system was better than what we are having today, saying that people were their brother’s keeper.
According to him, nuclear family system used to check excesses of relations when their parents were not around.
The associate professor of family medicine said domestic violence had been on but was not well reported.
“Nuclear family system, where everybody return to the family, look at what each and every one is doing in the family and correct those that should be corrected, and teach those that should be taught.
“Now nobody shows interest on what is happening in the family, everybody is on their own. Uncles are not showing interest on what is happening with their cousins and nieces.
“When we return to the nuclear family system, we will be able to live and correct wrongs in the family.
“In those good old days, if I see young a girl on the road misbehaving, I can stop and ask her why are you misbehaving, why are you doing this?
“And if the father happened to know that I have cautioned her, the father will even congratulate me; will be happy with me, but today if I do that the father will even crucify me.
“He will say, how come you cautioned my daughter, who made you the moral instructor over my daughter. Everybody is seeing himself or herself as an institute.
“When we return to nuclear family system as I said, people will begin to be their brother’s keeper, correct what is wrong when they see it; children will grow from there and learnt to grow to become responsible,’’ Udoh said.
The associate professor said that the increase in domestic violence, especially where wives or women battered their husbands were due to increasing family needs.
According to him, there are a lot of needs by families that only husbands cannot meet, so wives now complement the role of husbands to meet these needs of the family to get the system better.
He said that when husbands were not able to provide all these needs for the family, this tend to bring conflicts in the family, stressing that along the line the wives might decide to settle it through violence.
Udoh also attributed domestic violence to increasing economic burden in the family due to the current economic downturn.
Mr Simon Udoh, an evangelist in the Church of Christ, also told NAN that the current trend of violence was due to lack of trust by couples.
He said that wives were always suspicious of the husbands because they have lost the trust bestowed on their husbands.
The clergy called on married couples to return to the Bible and obey God instructions of husbands loving their wives and wives being submissive to their husbands.
“Husbands should do utmost best to maintain honesty and be open to their wives. Women should be submissive to their husbands and the husbands should love their wives,’’ Udoh said.
On her part, Mrs Lovina Emole, a working class married woman in Uyo, told NAN that the current domestic violence was due to neglect of responsibilities by the men.
Emole, who has been married for over seven years now with three children, said that in spite of these only women that lack spiritual discipline would go to the extent of killing their husbands.
“When the husband is not able to satisfy the wife financially and sexually, there will be problem in the family.
“When the husband do not satisfy the wife, the woman will be suspicious and assumed that somebody else has taken her place,’’ Emole said.
From Bayelsa, some medical experts told NAN in Yenagoa that lack of understanding between spouses, diminishing societal values and norms were some of the major causes of domestic violence.
Some of the respondents also identified lack of home training as a responsible factor for growing domestic violence in the country.
A psychologist, Mr Femi Adedeji, said that domestic violence occurred when husband or wife fail to understand themselves.
Adedeji said that some men or women that were into acts of violence were sometime married out of love or what is called accidental marriage.
“Well, domestic violence is not only restricted to women, men are also suffering from the ugly effect,” he said.
Mr Onu Ekwe, a lawyer, said that male spouses were also victims and explained that the men have been reluctant to report such incidents of domestic violence against them.
According to him, such categories of men were especially from culturally permissive societies like Nigeria, where the husband is seen as the head of the home.
“As a result, many men suffer in silence under the yoke of female spousal abuse. We have seen series of sad cases, where women have killed and stabbed their husbands to death,’’ he said.
A parent, Mr Tari Ayibatonye, also said that rising cases of domestic violence could also be attributed to poverty.
“Men suffer the act but only because they hardly speak out like women. This is because of the societal belief that men should be stronger and cannot be victims of such act,’’ Ayibatonye said.
Respondents from Benin, Edo, also attested to existence of varying degrees of domestic violence that lead to waves of incessant casualties.
According to some of them, such deaths occurred by violent reactions from aggrieved spouses and other persons in various forms of relationships with different kinds of misunderstandings.
They noted that such misunderstanding often result from suspicions, jealousy, infidelity, broken promises and disappointments in marriages.
They decried the daily occurrence of such situations and called for serious action to curb the trend as it was assuming frightening dimensions.
Some of the respondents also called on government at all levels as well as human rights organisations to be proactive in curbing the menace.
Mr John Aizebioje, a retired Director in the Civil Service, says that it was worrisome that couples in recent times prefer resorting to the adoption of violence in settling scores.
He said that such couples could rather adopt age-long traditional and peaceful methods of dialogue, resolutions and mediation by religious bodies, extended families or friends.
According to him, although the marriage vow promotes lifetime relationship it does not mean that couples cannot go their separate ways even when it is obvious that things are not working out in their marriage.
“Lots of spouses are dying in silence in their relationships out of intimidation and in most cases one-sided or lost love which has defied all known principles or methods of peaceful and amicable resolutions.
“These situations have always resulted in dislike and in most cases degenerated to hatred between spouses in marriages or other kinds of relationships.
“This, often times, leads to violent situations in the face of threats to life,’’ he said.
He said lots of lives would have been saved if spouses take precautionary steps in having temporary severance and in worst case scenarios, divorce, in order to avert these unwarranted killings of spouses by their partners.
He therefore called on governments at all levels to come out with well-articulated legislations and stringent penalties on perpetrators of domestic violence.
He also advised human rights organisations to raise their game by ensuring that they effectively monitor reported cases of assault by spouses and other persons in relationships.
He said that such attitude would spontaneously bring perpetrators to face the laws of the land before such cases get to extreme situations that could lead to deaths of persons in abusive relationships.
Similarly, Mr Makinde Ayinla, an Islamic cleric, in his response said that disobedience and lack of patience was a major contributor to domestic violence.
According to him, domestic violence is as a result of our disobedience to commandments of Allah.
He said: “Allah enjoined us to marry those that are not only good looking, wealthy and from good homes, but those with the fear of Allah are the best if only you know.
“The reverse is the case. The first three attributes are what we considered currently; forgetting beauty can fade, wealth can finish but the fear of Allah solved all problems.
“The holy Qur’an highlighted the duty of father to the wife and children and vice versa. Islam does not support domestic violence in all ramifications.
“Husbands are admonished in Quran 4:34 on how to deal with women when they misbehaved.
“Before you exploit the first and second punishments she will change,” he said.
He however said that there was the need for spouses to be patient, accommodating and tolerant of each other at all time.
He recommended prayers to Allah who would subdue the provocations before the end of the prayer, while we exercise patience. (NAN)
Reporters/DOE/MST
Edited by Dianabasi Effiong/Muhammad Suleiman Tola