Domestic violence: Stakeholders want victims to speak out
Violence
Lagos, May 27, 2018 (NAN) Domestic Violence (DV) appears to be taking an uglier turn as reports of incidents are increasing daily by the numbers.
Worthy of note is the increase in the cases of men being abused by women; sometimes, even leading to death.
The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that one such incident occurred on May 3, where one Sym Otike-Odibi was allegedly murdered by his wife, Udeme Otike-Odibi.
The accused, Otike-Odibi, was said to have stabbed herself severally after stabbing her husband to death.
Some members of the society took to the social media to decry DV, saying men should be careful of the womenfolk and leave a relationship where they are being abused; this also applies to the women gender.
Ms Lara Owoeye-Wise, Special Assistant on Media to the Deputy Speaker, House of Representatives, Abuja, in a post on her Facebook Page, noted that so many cases of victims of DV were men.
She wrote: “Hardly would a man walk up to you and open up on how he’s being abused by his wife.
“By the time he does, if at all he ever does, it’s too late; the man is damaged, most times, beyond repair.’’
Owoeye-Wise said that women who suffered DV, on the other hand, have found their voice overtime and usually receive sympathy from the society, law and other institutions.
She, however, noted that it wasn’t so for men.
Owoeye-Wise said that when couples are fed up with their relationships, they resort to raining abuses that are shocking.
“It is a very dirty and hi-tech manipulation of emotions that only a movie producer with a sick mind can script,’’ she said.
Owoeye-Wise expressed concern for men who may be suffering for crimes they didn’t commit.
She, however, urged men with good conscience to set up support systems to help fellow men suffering from DV.
Owoeye-Wise also advised men who were victims of spousal abuse to speak out.
According to her, victims of DV, who genuinely run away from abuse have been known to do well.
On some of the causes and factors for DV, the Women Arise for Change Initiative (WA), an NGO, identified the breakdown of values and lack of mutual respect for each other as a major cause.
Dr Joe Okei-Odumakin, Founder of the organisation, told NAN that in recent times, people no longer exhibited moral principles, hence, the total breakdown of our value system.
According to her, couples do not set standards that promote love and moral values anymore.
“The causative factor is the breakdown of values and the lack of mutual respect for each other.
“Also, the current economic hardship is beginning to take its toll on the families; women are becoming more apprehensive and intolerant to lack and continued poverty.
“Again, the lack of mutual respect has created a gap between husbands and wives in situations that these gaps are not plugged, and then leads to physical attacks from the wives which are now resulting to death,’’ she said.
Okei-Odumakin also said that violation of women’s conjugal rights and infidelity of men was another factor.
She said this happens mostly in situations where the husband or boyfriend could not stay faithful to the relationship.
“Suspicion is created which often results to physical combat or a devilish stance for revenge by the wife or girlfriend.’’
She said that another cause was the factor of wives wanting to be on the defensive because of the prevalence of violence against women by men.
“Women are now like, `you do not have the monopoly of violence’, before you kill me, I will kill you.’’
The rights activist said that another major factor could be attributed to broken trust.
“When trust gets broken in a relationship, suspicion sets in, thereby leading to frustration, breeding hatred and anger among spouses,’’ she said.
Okei-Odumakin advocated the need for people to break the culture of violence which keeps them suppressed within an abusive relationship.
“It is important for people to understand that leaving a relationship characterised by domestic abuse remains the most appropriate, until such differences are sorted out and reconciled,’’ she said.
Okei-Odumakin, therefore, urged governments and relevant stakeholders to embark on serious reorientation for people, especially those aspiring to go into marriages.
According to Okei-Odumakin, people needed to be orientated on the need to see beyond the ephemerals of relationships and assess the possible limitations of each other before going into a marriage contract.
Also, Mrs Remi Alake, a Legal Practitioner, said that the under-reporting of domestic violence against men in Nigeria has led to the increase in the numbers of men who suffer from domestic violence.
According to her, getting the statistics on domestic violence generally was difficult, since so many cases were under-reported.
“It is even more difficult to figure out the numbers of men who are suffering from domestic abuse due to their traditional gender role in the society.
“Again, the stigma of the perceived weakness of any man who admits to falling victim of domestic abuse often deter men from reporting such incidents.
“This is why when most people hear the term `domestic violence’, they often assume that a man is the aggressor,’’ she said.
On the common abuses that men bear, Alake said that they included insults, name-calling and other berating languages.
“In some cases, the abuse aggravates to more serious violence which we have seen in most of the reported cases lately.
“Most women who carry out this violence against their spouses show oppressive possessiveness or jealousy.
“ Often times, they also threaten to harm themselves or others as a way to punish their spouses.
“Many forms of verbal and psychological abuse appear relatively harmless at first, but expand and grow more menacing over time,’’ she said.
On possible solutions to DV, especially from the legal angle, the legal practitioner urged any member of a family that was going through any form of domestic abuse to seek help promptly.
“Any man, woman or child experiencing continuous domestic violence should seek help before it becomes too late.
“Domestic violence is a punishable offence under The Violence Against Persons Prohibition (VAPP) Act, 2015.
“The Act was a result of agitations for protection of persons against the different forms of violence,’’ she said.
Another legal practitioner, Spurgeon Ataene, advised men not be ashamed and to promptly speak out by alerting their family members, friends or lawyer of any threat of domestic violence.
Ataene said that physical abuse of men was sparse because men hardly cried out for help due to pride or societal norms.
“The main issue is that domestic violence against men is not always easy to identify but it can be a serious threat.
“Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse, as well as threats of abuse.
“According to reports, women are beginning to get involved in wicked domestic violence to their spouses by threatening to kill them, nagging and so on.
“Most men experiencing domestic violence will prefer handling it alone by dying in silence; as a result, some women take advantage of these men,’’ he said.
Ataene urged governments and NGOs to continue to fight against DV for all, and not only for women.
“There should be no special interest for women and children but the fight against domestic violence should be for all.
“As women are abused, also men too are victims of domestic violence,’’ Ataene said.
Dr Victor Nwachukwu, a Health and Safety expert, also told NAN that an effective social system at the state and local government, as well as the private sector levels will address the increasing prevalence of DV in the country.
According to him, such a system is either inadequate or not available in the country.
“Most incidents of DV are solved by the Police.
“Some countries have very effective social address systems where domestic violence and homicides are well addressed.
“There are agencies you can go to that can evaluate issues such as domestic violence.
“Unfortunately, in Nigeria most of these issues are solved by the police.
“These are psychological and behavioural problems that need specialists in those areas, including psychiatrists, psychologists, gender socialists.
“These services can be provided at the state and local government or by private practitioners,’’ Nwachukwu said.
In her contribution, a Professor of Multicultural Counselling, Aize Obayan, said domestic violence was currently on the rise because there was no moral or spiritual compass amongst the people.
Obayan, a former Vice Chancellor, Covenant University, Ota, in Ogun, was speaking against the backdrop of the new trend of domestic violence, such as spousal murder and others in parts of the country.
According to her, perversion will always reign and hold sway in the absence of morality and spirituality.
Obayan, currently the Director, Africa Leadership Development Centre (ALDC), also at Covenant University, stated that the fear of the Lord, was the beginning of wisdom and thus, a guide to defining the values and principles that people will espouse.
“Love is fundamental and where people are guided by love, DV and other related acts or actions will not exist.
“However, some factors as stress induced from the work place, mounting bills, debts, pressure from childcare management/support and unresolved disagreement in the home could induce such violence,” she said.
Obayan further listed lack of family support, the way it used to be from the extended family, poor rapport between spouses and lack of a secure foundation as marriage was being contracted, as some of the other factors.
She also noted that pent up anger, unexpressed emotions and concerns, increase in incidence of drug use and abuse, as well as uncontrollable outbursts, among others, were some of the underlying factors that triggering domestic violence.
Dr Karo Ogbinaka, Department of Philosophy, University of Lagos, said that such violence too, could be induced for fetish purposes.
According to him, a lot of people still believe in occultism as a way of making quick money or meeting other personal motives.
“The craze for quick money, especially among young persons, for example, and the fact that they do not realise that making such money has to do with hard work, is also a contributing factor.
“Again, there is need for parents to wake up to their responsibilities in the area of contracting marriages. They must be able to carry out background checks before giving their consent to marriages involving their children and wards.
“Religious organisations too must also wake up to their main calling which is basically to win souls for the kingdom of God and the need for them to build their treasures in heaven, rather than on earth.
“Our religious leaders must water down their preaching on prosperity without work. A lot of people fantasise when they hear some of all these preachings from these self-acclaimed men of God, who tend to have derailed from what the Bible or other Holy Books are saying,” he said.
The Associate Professor noted that there was also the need for intensive and extensive counselling sessions before marriages are contracted by religious leaders, parents and community elders.
He said that value and cultural orientation would also go a long way, to engender respect for lives.
“Marriage must be built on the foundation of enduring lives, devoid of financial and other social factors,’’ he said. (NAN)
Reporters/VIV/PIO/MST
Edited by Vivian Ihechu/Idonije Obakhedo/Muhammad Suleiman Tola